I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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