i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
