are you still at the devil's house?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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