he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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