Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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