Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
