I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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