no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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