I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
