yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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