4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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