I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
