he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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