i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
