Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
