need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
