His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
