oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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