apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
