I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
