he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
