She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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