Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
