Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
