Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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