I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
