and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
