so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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