Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
