Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
