can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize