Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
