Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
