I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
