Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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