Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
