We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
