He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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