Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
