I wish my penis had an off switch
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
