I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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