i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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