sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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