I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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