Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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