took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
