he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
