The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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