Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
