dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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