Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
