I faked an abortion last night.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
