someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
