i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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