dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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