had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize