I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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