The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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