i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
