YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
