Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
